Pregnancy progress newletter unplugged

As I have subscribed to a weekly pregnancy newsletter, I get updates on my & the baby’s progress every week. Here is an example of one - last week's - that I have slightly altered to make it correspond better with reality. The alterations in bold are mine.

Baby:
The fetus measures about 5.6 (14.2cm) to 6.4 inches (16.3cm) from crown to rump and weighs about 9 ounces (255g). That’s only a fragment of the weight that you have gained, and you might be asking yourself where the other 16 pounds have gone to – well, take a look at your thighs in the mirror! Your baby can hear sounds by now -- your voice, heart and more often than anything your stomach growling, as well as sounds, such as your loud children or the frequent food delivery man arriving, outside your body. It will cover its ears with its hands if a loud sound is made near or by you, and it may even become startled and "jump." The baby will at these times aim at your cervix to create maximum discomfort. The baby is moving often, too -- twisting, turning, wiggling, punching and kicking.

Mom-to-be:
Congratulations! You're at about the midpoint of your pregnancy, although you already look as if you were ready to give birth. Your uterus is just about even with your navel, but your belly is much bigger than that, courtesy of your new friends Ben & Jerry. Your waistline, or the hint you had at waistline before you got pregnant, has pretty much disappeared, and hopefully you have lots of pictures of yourself before you got pregnant, because you may never see that waistline again! You’ll find that McDonalds will be delivering late night snacks more frequently now, and the small cheeseburger has been replaced by a Big Tasty. The risk of bladder infections increases because the smooth muscles in the urinary tract relax. As a consequence, you find yourself urinating frequently; unfortunately more frequently than you are able to visit the bathroom. Your breathing will become deeper and you may perspire more than usual from a more active thyroid gland. This is called the “Sweating like a cow” symptom.