Inappropriate self-pity on Christmas Eve

On Christmas Eve we had some of our new friends over for glogg – mulled wine – and Christmas treats. The boys played with their boys, and we had a great time talking and hanging out. After they left we put the boys to bed, finished wrapping the presents, and set up the new Christmas train set around our Christmas tree, along with the presents.

Courtney & I felt grateful for having found new friends, and for being able to celebrate Christmas together in this our new home, and we had been prepared for the fact that things would be different this year, yet, as we sat down together on our new university housing couches - candles lit and everything set up for Christmas morning - like we usually do to admire our tree, present display and decorations, we did not have that happy, excited and content feeling we usually have. We both felt gloomy and a bit sad: there were not many presents under the tree this year, and William’s big present, the remote control monster truck we had got him at Carrefour, wouldn’t work. Neither would the Christmas train. We had not been able to find most of the Christmas foods or treats we’re used to, and our house smelled bad after our oven had caught fire that morning and filled up the house with smoke. Far away from families and old friends, unable to afford a trip home and without wealthy families that could visit or even send packages, we sat there looking at our wanting Christmas arrangement and, for a moment, allowed ourselves to feel lonely and poor. Then we went upstairs together, kissed our beautiful sleeping boys, crawled into our clean soft bed and again felt grateful for all the things we have; most importantly, each other.